I don’t Have a Heart – 8eight

Hello Saturday!
The level of I-can’t-focus this week is way up high. Topped up with today’s incident at the gym where while I was convincing myself to relax, I spilled deliberate amount of water on my dear phone. It’s now sitting in a ziploc bag filled with rice and I’m crossing my fingers hoping it will get better soon.

Matching the mood, I’m allowing my self to be oh so confused and do random late but early and will pay back later posts. Just because umm…. I can.

Now before I turn up the volume of the confused and not focused me *and putting it on infinite repeat* let me just write randome stuffs that will release my stress a bit but I will regret putting it up a few mins after this baby is posted.

* * *

There’s a jinx that I seems to forgotten about. Just smell and look at those pretty flowers from a safe distance. Even when they’re inviting you to pick them up to bring them home – to add some oh wow factors in your days –  remember that as soon as you reach out for them, you’ll be pricked with the thornes. Or even, they will wither and die.

***

That my friend brings me to the song: 심장이 없어/ I Have No Heart by 8eight. Emo feels aside, I really like this song! But for today, yes, you’re allowed to feel confused, lost, out of focus, and etc *I’ll add unto it just by translating the chorus. For now.*. Enjoy the emo times peeps. Just remember to come back to your normal you afterwards! And SMILE!

 

 

Lyrics + Translation

심장이 없어 – 8eight

Without a Heart – 8eight


아프다고 말하면 정말 아플 것 같아서 /If I say it hurts, I’m afraid it will really be painful

슬프다고 말하면 눈물이 날 것 같아서 / If I said it’s sad, I’m afraid tears will fall out

그냥 웃지 그냥 웃지 그냥 웃지 / Why don’t I  just smile, let’s just smile, let’s just smile

그런데 사람들이 왜 우냐고 물어 / But people is asking me what am I crying for

 

 

매일을 울다가 웃다가 울다가 웃는걸 반복해

나 왜 이러는데

술이 술인지 밥인지도 모르는 채

살아 이 정도 아픔은 통과 의례인 듯 해

멍하니 종이에 나도 몰래 니 이름만 적어 하루 왼 종일

종이가 시커매지고서야 펜을 놔

너 그리워 또 핸드폰을 들었다 놔

눈물이 또 찾아와 너와의 이별이란

 

 

나는 심장이 없어 나는 심장이 없어/ I’m without a heart, I don’t have a heart

그래서 아픈 걸 느낄리 없어 / So I can’t feel any pain

매일 혼잣말을 해 내게 주문을 걸어 / I keep on telling myself everyday, I put myself under a spell

그래도 자꾸 눈물이 나는 걸 / but still tears keep on flowing

아프다고 말하면 정말 아플 것 같아서 / If I say it hurts, I’m afraid it will really be painful

슬프다고 말하면 눈물이 날 것 같아서 / If I say it is sad, I’m afraid tears will fall

그냥 웃지 그냥 웃지 그냥 웃지 / I should just smile, let’s just smile, let’s just smile

그런데 사람들이 왜 우냐고 물어 이렇게 웃는데 / But people keep on asking what am I crying for, even though I am smiling like this

 

 

니가 떠나고부터 난 바보가 된 것 같어

i can’t do 아무것도 죽어라 방구석에 박혀 살어

너 없인 할 일도 없는데 하룬 길어 너무 길어

근데 뭐 그리 바뻐 널 외롭게 했어

니가 쇼핑 가자 그럴 때 친구와 술 한잔 마시는 건 그렇게

쉬운데 왜 너한테 못했을까

언제나 제일 느린 게 후회랬는데

정말 바본지 끝까지 너와의 끈을 놓지 못해

나는 심장이 없어 나는 심장이 없어

오늘도 뻔한 거짓말을 해

가슴이 넘 아픈데 이렇게 보채는데

어떻게 웃을 수가 있겠어

 

 

아프다고 말하면 정말 아플 것 같아서 / If I say it hurts, I’m afraid it will really be painful

슬프다고 말하면 눈물이 날 것 같아서 / If I say it is sad, I’m afraid tears will fall

그냥 웃지 그냥 웃지 그냥 웃지 / I should just smile, let’s just smile, let’s just smile

그런데 사람들이 왜 우냐고 물어 이렇게 웃는데 / But people keep on asking what am I crying for, even though I am smiling like this

 

 

(웃자) tv속 연예인들 처럼 / (let’s smile) like those entertainers on TV

(웃자) 너의 미니홈피 제목처럼 / (let’s smile) just like the title of your mini hompy

(웃자) 행복했던 내 어제처럼 / (let’s smile) just like my happy yesterday

 

 

나는 심장이 없어 아플수가 난 없어 /  I don’t have  a heart so I can’t feel any pain

나는 심장이 없어 아플수가 난 없어 / I don’t have a heart, I don’t have any pain

그냥 웃자 그냥 웃자 그냥 웃자  /  Let’s just smile, let’s just smile, let’s just smile

 

 

제발 좀 눈물아 이제는 멈춰줘 / I beg you, tears, please stop flowing now

 

 

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It’s Okay, Daddy’s Girl

Happy Sentimental Friday!

Today’s post is going to come out to be a tad more personal than how I would normally wish my blog posts to be. But still, we’ll be discussing a good Korean Drama filled with raw emotions and a lot of encouragement.

Credit: SBS

It’s OK Daddy’s Girl is a SBS drama aired in 2011. It tells a story about the struggle of two families to defend and save Eun Chae-Ryung’s (Moon Chae-Won) father from false accusation of crime. Chae-Ryung lived in a sheltered (ehem *spoiled*) life thanks to her dad.

When her dad collapsed, she had to learn oh how to grow up. In her struggles in keeping the family together, finding ways to save her dad, wishing her dad will wake up soon, discovering her true character (that were concealed with the pretenses she had while living the uptown live); she discovered her strength by knowing that she is *indeed* her dad’s daughter.

Well, of course with the help of handsome lads around her.

Credit: SBS

“It’s ok daddy’s girl” – is the phrase that Chae-Ryung’s dad used, to ensure her daughters that everything is going to be ok. The source of strength for Chae-Ryung and her sister to face all ordeals that came their ways.

 

I was smitten by this drama because it was not the normal rags-riches romance/family drama. As I mentioned before, two families went hand in hand to find that much needed justice and restoration *in health and in truth* for the father. That included the family of Choi Hyuk-Ki (Choi Jin-Hyuk *yes you’re given the pass to fangirl*) and Choi Wook-Gi (Super Junior’s Lee Dong-Hae),whose family was unintentionally, but tragically, involved in the whole accident/crime. Of course, romance bloomed between the male and female lead characters *duh*. But bear in mind that Hyk-Ki was not from a well-off family. But yet, they were not lacking even an inch of affection and earnestness to face life with a smile.

Credit: SBS

For most daddy’s little girls, dads are their first love and the person they rely on the most. But one point in our lives, we’ll have to be in the same position with Chae-Ryung: not being able to have that stronghold anymore/for the time being, and having to grow up completely on our own two feet.

Credit: SBS

So today (February 19, 2016) is my late dad’s birthday. The first birthday without him. The past few weeks were really hard and stressful for me (things to be done, to think about – the normal life challenges). And without me knowing, it got harder as his birthday drew near. So the two mixed together and I broke down. Geez, I wouldn’t imagine that today was gonna be this tough.

I had wished, during those down times, that I could pick up the phone to randomly say hi or to ask him things like “what do you think about this situation” or “what do you think I should do”. Although brusque, I know he would have had given me his wisest response to help and calm me down. And plus today is his birthday, oh how I wish I could just… Yeah.

The phrase that Chae-Ryung’s father had used – that became his daughter’s spells to muster up some courage and strength – has reminded me to also pick up those courage and strength to keep on going. Even though he is not here, he is in my heart. And everything is going to be ok because I am his daughter.

 

“괜찮아 아빠 딸”

So. For all of Chae-Ryungs out there. No matter if you currently facing the same struggles as the drama’s heroine, myself, or even if you have to live away from you dad (boarding school, living abroad, etc) just remember that, because you are your dad’s girl, you will always carry his love and wisdom in your heart. You will remember them forever, as the companion of your journey. Believe that you can pour out your best effort, because you have learned of having the zest for life and the sincerity to face it only from the best. Let’s make him proud!

I love you, Pa. Happy birthday!

Until Monday!

Med

If you are hanging in there, you haven’t reached your limit – Oh My Venus

Happy Friday, no it’s not the first friday of the week, of the month, nor of the year! I mean happy Friday for those who have to work overtime on a Saturday.

My excuse for this late post – I was debating should include a bit of my personal experience or not. So I wrote it and deleted it and ended up being distracted by a potluck dinner I had with my roomie and her friends.

Anyways. How are you doing with your new year’s resolution? The first week of 2016 has passed, are you showing signs of giving up? I told you not to have resolution like “losing weight for 2016”! But whatever you are doing to make a better you in 2016, remember that 21-40 days – some people says 66 days – to build a new habit. So, just keep going!

If you need inspiration/motivation to persevere, you can learn a thing or two from KBS2 Drama 오 마이 비너스/Oh My Venus! one and only heroine: 강주은/Kang Joo-Eun (played by Shin Min-A)

 

Credit: KBS2

 

This romantic comedy drama revolves around Kang Joo-Eun and 김영호/Kim Young-Ho a.k.a John Kim (played by So Ji-Sub) and their fight against their conditions. Kang Joo-Eun with hypothyroidism (when your thyroid doesn’t produce enough hormones), and Kim Young-Ho with physical and mental traumas from an accident that happened during his childhood.

 

Credit: KBS2

 

If you *for some reason* have seen my other SNS (Instagram, Tumblr, etc.), or if you caught some hints I had on my previous posts, you might have known that early last year I was diagnosed with a chronic disease called Graves. It’s Hyperthyroidism, the opposite of what Joo-Eun had. If hypo is caused by the thyroid itself, hyper is an autoimmune disease. They’re the opposite from one another, but some of the conditions/effects are similar.

So, during the first 2 very funny episodes I just bursted into tears. It was not a pity party. But tears because it just spoke to me in a personal way. Like suddenly someone could understand what you are going through and the intensity of the fight against it (and the many looking and judging eyes), and they are also fighting along with me (and showing how it’s done).

So this posts will showcase a few things that I learned from Joo-Eun, her handsome coach-nim, and from the drama in general *embrace yourself with quotes galore*.

 

Credit: KBS2

 

Whatever the magnitude, everyone is in pain, in their own little way. So, don’t cry. Everyone is still living on, enduring their burdens. – John Kim

I learned from Joo-Eun’s struggle to not be defeated and that, often times, what constrains and limits us the most is ourselves. With her I’ll-prove-to-you-that-I-am-Daegu-Venus mentality, and with the help of *what I like to call* the three handsome chipmunks Joo-Eun’s musketeers, she was able to achieve her goal in the healthy and happy way. The adorkable Joon-Sung and Ji-Woong made, what supposed to be dragging, her routine more fun as they kept on helping with their care and funny acts.

 

Credit: KBS2 Subs: Drama Fever

 

I can do anything as long as I set my mind to it. To me they are the same. If I believe I can do it. Because I believe, I can do it. – Ep. 11

Coach-nim. I learned a lot from him too. Even if everyone is helping you, at the end of the day it’s your fight. No one else will do it on your behalf, no one can enter the ring to help you further. It’s your (lonely) battle that you have to face. To give up or to keep on going, it’s your own decision. Coach-nim courage to face his trauma. And to continue on his battle for the second time… Respect.

 

Credit: KBS2

 

It may look fine on the outside but it needs time to heal – Ep. 2

The drama was a really fun one to watch. Joo-Eun + Young-Ho funny and cheesy interactions are adorkable. From the antagonists characters presented at the beginning of the drama, I expected it to have a vicious backstabbing, if not a little bit cruel, kinda plot. But the antagonists were there for a bit and the plot revolving their “mean” nature were not developed thoroughly. It’s good and bad I think. I don’t like to see a long and winding story with too many unexpected I-feel-like-punching-you-in-the-face-for-doing-that kind of plot. But it made me question why they are there. What significance do they have in the story in general? Did the writer have a more profound meaning/story for them but they ended up cherry picking some of them, just to make it a “drama”.

Well I don’t know. But the antagonists fast-pace development feels like an itchy spot that you could really not scratch for me.

 Do you know why the past is important? Because it serves as a lesson for us. – Ep. 1

Now, for all Kang Joo-Euns and Young-Hos out there, with whatever conditions *esp. health* you are in, may we will be able to encourage each other, and to push ourselves outside of our boundaries. Although it is easier to do it together, than alone, there will be days when we need to “tap-tap”, take a Kang Joo-eun day, or we would even need to face fight alone. But that’s ok, we’re in this mental, emotional, physical healing journey together.

For those coach-nims who are already one or two steps ahead, it’s time for you to look back and reach out to those behind you so they could get motivated to keep on going.

 

Credit: KBS2 Subs: Drama Fever

 

Let’s not be defeated and dictated by those conditions. But instead, remember that:

We can’t give up because we’re scared of something – Ep. 16

and that:

기억해요. 버티고 있다면 한계가 아니라는 거 믿으면 할 수 있다는 거 / Remember. If you’re hanging in there, You haven’t reached your limit (you haven’t done anything beyond your limit). If you believe, you can do it. – Ep. 14

 

Credit: KBS2 Subs: Drama Fever

 

 

To the being healthy is sexy days!

Med

To You Who Eat A Lot Because You Are Lonely – Let’s Eat

Happy first day of 2016. First Friday, first post of the year.

2015 went by so fast. I hope 2015 treated you well and 2016 started on an awesome note for you all.

I went through a lot and learned a lot, did a lot of growing up, experienced a lot. Some of them includes the anxiety of still being on probation at work,  passing the 1 year mark with satisfying results, the unbelievable “I went home twice a year”, being diagnosed with graves + multiple visits to the emergency and fighting it in a posh style (although with occasional tears and discouragement), bidding goodbye to my dad, dealing with grievances before and after his passing, gathering strength from my fam *especially my cousins*, joyful wedding season of my bestie, gathering with mom and my aunt (endless shopping and good food), reviving the blog, to the leap of faith of submitting an entry for a contest. 

Woah. Eventful, hectic, yet meaningful 2015. 

I wondered how did it pass so fast and how did I survive the ups and downs of 2015. One thing for sure, it was by the grace of God. 

The other thing was that I was hanging unto a poem that was introduced on the last episode of tvN drama: Let’s Eat/식샤를합시다 (season 1). 

Credit: tvN

The drama itself was enjoyable – although I had to jump and skip some of it on the second half of the series (was too scared to watch the thriller parts and some of it were too dragging). The ending was very humble and touching.  Each episode was filled with yummy goodness that always left me craving for the particular food item they introduced (I would end up buying or making it or drooling on the screen). I love how they did the foodporn shots with bubbling sizzling sounds plus the *aaahh how could you eat so deliciously like that* acting of the casts! 

Anyways, the poem is called 밥/Rice by 처양희/Chun Yang-Hui. This poem gave me strength to persevere and to digest whatever came my way. Anyone needing an encouragement or two might be able to relate to the poem. I, myself, have this written and posted on my fridge and on my work computer’s monitor; and it goes like this:

외로워서 밥을 많이 먹다던 네에게 / To you who eat a lot because you’re lonely

권태로워 잠을 많이 자다던 너에게/ To you who sleep a lot becaue you’re bored

슬퍼서 많이 운다던 너에게 / To you who cry a lot because you’re sad

나는 쓴다 / I’m writing to you

궁지에 몰린 마음을 밥처럼 씹어라 / Those harbouring feelings that are pushed into a corner, chew them like (when you’re eating) rice

어차피 삶은 너가 소화해야 할 것이니까 / Because afterall, life is something that you would have to digest

My resolutions in 2016? I hope to grow stronger, better, happier, healthier personally. To persevere in doing what I love (like creating posts for this blog). To never stop learning. And to love more (God #1, fam, self, others). 

May you also find your mojo to bring the lessons you have had in 2015 to bring the best of 2016 for you and the people around you. Cause life is something that you have to digest anyway. Let’s rock 2016! Let’s level up and grow even more!

  

Credit: tvN
 

Ps: go watch the Let’s Eat season 1 if you need a drama to fill the rest of your NY long weekend 😀 *don’t blame me for excessive drooling ang constant hunger when you’re watching it tho*

 

Credit: tvN
 

One Step Closer – Korea Our Stories 2015

한걸음 더 가까이 – one step closer

Hello Friday, today is not a day for Korean drama. Today is the day where I ask you for a huge favour of love and support.

 

The Background Story

It started from finding a kind of random posting of a contest on Facebook: <What Makes Korea?/국가브랜드 공모전>.

And then this.

As I have mentioned in the previous post, I joined to prove that I am capable to defeat myself and actually do what I have always wanted to do. I pushed myself to the maximum limit of my creativity, and courage to actually submit my work (and tried my best to crush my self-doubts). I have to be honest, I did think about it days and nights, but the end result is still clumsy and far from perfect. It will be too embarrassing to call  it a well-done piece. Although my essay is lacking in many ways, it does reflect my sincere and sentiment of the topic I chose.

Who could have imagined that, with that piece of self-proving-but-not-actually-aiming-for-the-win essay, I would receive this notification:

20151118_212518 (1)

So I would like to ask you for your love and courage. If you know me personally or not, you would kinda know *or guess* the level of my passion and love towards Korea. So, please do join me in the next step of the fight. We will never know where this could bring me to. So I thought, even though passing the first round is good enough for me *happy and excited*, let’s just try to put some more effort :). Unto the next round!

 

So this is how you can help me

Offline Voting: 한국에 *서울특별시*계신 친구/언니/오빠들 등등…(For those in Seoul, South Korea)

November 20 to 29, 2015. If you have time, there will be offline exhibition/voting for <What Makes Korea Contest> from  The venue: the lobby of Children’s Museum in National Museum of Korea located in Yong-san, Seoul.

Please come and visit (and share the love by voting). You might find my essay there. It’s called: 《Jeong (情), K-Food, and “Have You Eaten Yet” by Medarda Edrea Joseph》.

Online Voting: 

25th of November ~ 4th of December 24:00 KST (10 days’ duration). Voting will be held at the official website: www.koreaourstories.kr/2015.
Detailed instructions will be provided soon *I will update it once I have received more info*.

ONLINE VOTING TIME HAS BEGUN.

Clumsy and way far from perfect. It conveys my deepest passion and love for the culture nevertheless.

You can vote once per day from today to Dec 4th, 2015 KST

How to vote:
1. Go to http://koreaourstories.kr/2015/국가브랜드-선호도조사-b/?slug=대국민공모-2차-글 
2. Click on the contest  icon (should be the 3rd or 4th from top), until the title comes up: JEONG (情), K-FOOD, AND “HAVE YOU EATEN YET” – ME**DA ED**A JOSEPH (CANADA)
3. Click on the heart icon
4. Spread the words, share the love!
5. You’ll get hugs and/or high-5s times the number you vote!

If you have time, please kindly read it too ❤

Untitled
Link to VOTE

Help me prove to myself *and to all people hesitating to do what they love* that:

Do what you love, and it will love you back

and for me to:

Never. Ever. Give up!

 

Love and biggest gratitude for you all,

Med