Lean on me – Soyou & Kwon Jung Yeol

Happy Silly, Willy, Nilly, Old Monday!

 

I am back to real life. Yes I am still finding times to write and post the rest of #edreamjxseoul travel diary. But, man life has been… real.

 

I do, however, have a song to share to all of you this Monday. But before that I would have to share an “encrypted” background story that only a couple of my friends (no I don’t have lots of them) would know and get what I am talking about. And you, hopefully will be able to relate the sentiments this song could possibly give in such episodes of life. (Let’s do this together! Yap!)

 

As I have told you in the beginning, life has been nothing but real and apparently I am not dealing with it well enough. In a lot of “departments” or “aspects” of my life, things are not going right. And, commenting on one of the messy parts of what went wrong, here what came out:

 

언니: “I think you are just extremely scared. And you are building a thick, thick wall”

 

Bullseye.

 

What I have been doing wrong (apparently):

  • Not being able to read a situation correctly, let alone reading between the lines
  • Reacting to some stuffs in a completely wrong manner
  • Saying things that do not reflect what I actually feel/want. Worse yet, saying things/reacting in such ways that could be translated 180 differently from what I actually intended
  • I am not being honest to how I feel and what I want
  • I unconsciously pushing people away by saying the wrong things, not communicating well enough that I got myself into a messier situation
  • I made a lot of mistakes, said the wrong things
  • Denying, denying, and more denying (in my defense, I have no solid proofs)

 

아~답답하네.

 

Based on what people advised me to do, I should:

  • Stop pushing people away (but I do that without me knowing it)
  • Stop creating more misunderstanding (ditto above)
  • Be honest with how I feel and what I want
  • Speak up
  • Response and stop denying

 

All the above = dragging me out of my cave to a place where all my fears and insecurities will be exposed.

 

 

아~바보같네.

 

 

“Life is not simple”. Agreed. But sometimes we do have simple wish, and complicated ways to have it. And in this chaotic mess that I might or might not have created for myself. This song consoles me. A lot.

 

 

Lyrics + Translation

 

어깨 – 소유 & 권정열

Lean On Me (lit. translation: shoulder) – So You (of Sistar) & Kwon Jung-Yeol (of 10 CM)

 

 

잘 알죠 모든 게 내 맘 같지 않을 때 / I know it well, when things are not going your way

아무리 뒤척여도 잠은 오지를 않고 / no matter how you toss and turn, you have trouble falling asleep

 

 

전화 속 사람들 이렇게나 많은데 / when you have so many numbers saved in your phone

연락할 누구도 곁에 없을 때 / but can’t seems to dial anyone’s number

 

 

혼자만 있고 싶어도 사실 외로울 때 / when it gets lonely even you feel like being alone

웃어볼 기운도 없을 때가 있죠 / there are times when you do not even have the energy to smile

 

 

할 일은 쌓여서 산더미에 줄어들질 않고 / when things to do keep on piling up and do not seems to be decreasing

자꾸 한숨만 나올 땐 / whenever only sighs that always come out of you

 

 

기대도 돼 기대도 돼요 내게 / you can lean on, you can lean on me

with you.. you.. 언제든 / with you..  you.. whenever

내게 기대 쉬어도 돼요 그대 / lean on me, you can even take a rest, dear

with you.. you 다 이해해 / with you.. you.. I understand it all

 

 

유난히 하루가 길게만 느껴질 때 / whenever the day feels especially long

집으로 가는 길 괜히 멀기만 하고 / and the way home feels nothing but far

 

 

하고픈 이야기 정말 많았었는데 / there are actually so many things you wanted to say

쓴 웃음 지으며 참아버렸죠 / you held it back behind a bitter smile

 

 

누가 툭 건드리기만 하면 금방이라도 / there are times when you feel like if someone pokes you

울음이 터질 것 같을 때가 있죠 / you will immediately burst into tears

 

 

언젠간 괜찮아 질 거라고 애써 생각해도 / when you try to believe everything will be okay

자꾸 한숨만 나올 땐 / but only sighs burst out of your mouth everytime

 

 

기대도 돼 기대도 돼요 내게 / you can lean on, you can lean on me

with you.. you.. 언제든 / with you..  you.. whenever

내게 기대 쉬어도 돼요 그대 / lean on me, you can even take a rest, dear

with you.. you 다 이해해 / with you.. you.. I understand it all

 

 

나만 이런건지 / am I the only one is like this?

혼자 힘든건지 / Is it hard on me alone?

I know I know 잘 하고 있단 걸 / I know I know that you are doing well

그렇게 속으로만 안고있지 말고 / don’t just hold it inside like that

you know you know 내가 곁에 있단 걸 / you know you know that I’m by your side

 

 

기대도 돼 기대도 돼요 내게 / you can lean on, you can lean on me

with you.. you.. 언제든 / with you..  you.. whenever

내게 기대 쉬어도 돼요 그대 / lean on me, you can even take a rest, dear

with you.. you 다 이해해 / with you.. you.. I understand it all

 

 

다 이해해 / I understand

다 이해해 / I understand

다 이해해 / I understand

 

 

“I’m not ready for ……………”

I heard that being said last Friday. I guess it is true for a lot of us for so many things. The thing is though, whether it is love – work- education – relationships – taking a leap of faith – friendships – career changes, we humans will never ready for anything (any changes, any other commitment).

 

 

It is a matter of do we really want it. Are we willing to make an effort to waltz with/to it?

 

We often feel terrified. In my case, that fear might have been caused by:

 

  • The last time I spoke up, all I got was disappointment
  • The last time I showed and be honest with how I felt, ahh those past’s hurts that lasted for years
  • The last time I read something between the lines, I was completely wrong and fell into a world of my own false hopes and fantasies
  • Fear or rejection(s)
  • Fear of jeopardizing what I have right now and ended up losing it
  • To me it’s all vague and uncertain, yet people said I am blind and insensitive

 

I am getting more confused by days. And I don’t know what to do or how to act. Imagine all these are with a number, not just one, things in my life.

 

But I guess, somehow we need to face the fear and know that it is not that things are not going the way it should. It’s more like our beings are just keep on doing things that don’t go a long with what my heart says because of that fears and uncertainties.

 

 

Now, I hope if you are experiencing the same kind of messy situation(s), you will be able to lean on someone/something. While I pray that you (myself, really) get a divine inspiration and understanding of how to decipher what is really going on or of what to do next. Let the song give you some comfort and encouragement.

 

Image result for 어깨 소유

 

다 이해해

다 이해해

다 이해해

 

 

아~ 잘됐으면 좋겠다. 이젠 나 어떡하면 좋을까?

 

 

 

Love,

The forever slow to understand and confused Med

 

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